Bootylicious bust-ups: TV’s top 10 craziest catfights!
Hair pulling, scratching, slapping, biting… Nothing beats the sheer thrill of watching a couple of brawling babes let loose on one another over boyfriend stealing, behind-the-back bitching, or (God forbid) competing for some actual power. Most frequently between a blonde and a brunette, these scenes never fail to titillate, no matter how over used and formulaic they’ve become. So today we’re looking at the most formidable catfight scenes between some of our favourite TV characters, ranging from comedy to melodrama to sci fi. Sincere apologies to our feminist predecessors.
Let’s begin with where it all started… There were very few moments in Dynasty that weren’t catfights. Amid the soap opera’s glamorous settings and puffed sleeved gowns were downright ugly grudges and jealousies, particularly held between Alexis and Krystle over Blake Carrington. With so many iconic catfight moments to choose from, we’ve gone with the famous lilypond fight (essentially a wet t-shirt wrestle), which undoubtedly influenced a great number of the scenes on this list.
The Spoils of Babylon
The big hair goes flying when Cynthia (Kristen Wiig) and Dixie (Jessica Alba) get into a slap-fight over the love of Devon (Tobey Maguire) – AKA Cynthia’s adoptive brother – in this ludicrous miniseries. We love how much Alba owns the role, particularly with her pronunciation of ‘betch’.
Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Buffy and Faith were always at one another’s throats, but their “Graduation Day” showdown was without doubt the most memorable. Faith had poisoned Angel with a powerful ancient toxin; and the only antidote? Faith’s own blood – which Buffy was all too willing to draw. Faith’s “Give us a kiss” met with Buffy’s fist? Perfection.
Famed for its salacious content, it’s no surprise that True Blood had its fair share of catfighting throughout its run. This Sookie vs. Debbie fight in Season 3 was probably our favourite, owing in great part to that badass ‘three pigs’-style kicking down of Sookie’s door. Boom.
Someone murdering your partner and best friend is as good a reason as any other to get pretty mad at them. That person also bodysnatching from the person they murdered is just downright asking for you to deal them the ultimate K.O., as the identity stealing Allison did from super spy Sydney Doren.
Xena: Warrior Princess
Things didn’t end too well for Gabrielle when she took on fan favourite Amazonian Varia, who managed to fold her opponent like a damn paper envelope. It was a pretty weak display from Gabrielle considering she was trained by – and lived with – the legendary Xena, but no one could really stand a chance against the bloodthirsty killer that was Varia.
Gabby versus her nun nemesis, Sister Mary Bernard, who convinced Carlos to consider an annulment, was perhaps the most memorable Desperate Housewives catfight due to the sheer ridiculousness of it. We also couldn’t believe that the seemingly sweet Sister Mary came out on top in the brawl. Guess that’s what you get when you’ve got God on your side.
Little Lana Lang started out so sweet, but upon the receipt of a mysterious email, and with a recently acquired assortment of martial arts knowhow and a very sharp sounding axe in hand, she put up a threatening fight against both Chloe and the man they both love, Clark, in episode eleven of season three. Those aggravated grunts… The acting is unparalleled.
It’s a downright classic, and manages to be the only semi- good natured catfight on this list. It took the muscles from Brussels Jean-Claude Van Damme to get between a friendship as strong as Monica and Rachel’s, but when he did, things between the BFFs got seriously heated, with hairpulling, slapping, dragging and sock-whipping thrown into the mix. Thank goodness Phoebe was there to intervene by grabbing them both by the ears.
Oh Blair, Blair, Blair… Anything to get ahead. We’d say Serena was well within her rights to get mad at her best-worst frenemy after Blair ‘mentioned’ to Yale’s representatives that time when Serena got a bit frisky and cokey with druggy Pete, who promptly overdosed and died, all while being caught on camera. “No, you shut up!”